Someone once told me that if a promise isn’t kept then it isn’t really made. Good advice until you realise that you’ll never really know if any promises are indeed kept, until, well until they’re kept. I feel this sense of hopelessness about a lot of things at the moment. The school in Seoul have made several promises, all of which I hope they keep, but I won't know that until I get there, see the apartment and of course teach what they promise me i’ll be teaching. Drama.
The director has promised that she’ll meet me at the airport... but what if she doesn’t? The internet has promised me that ‘South Korea is a beautiful country with a rich history and culture, and a wealth of attractions’ - their words not mine... but what if it isn’t? My friends and family have promised to stay in touch the best they can and I truly believe they will, but it’s a constant worry as to what I will be returning too.
People move on, people change. I’ll change. I already have but I hope that people will change with me. I don’t know when i’ll be returning but I hope whenever it is, things won’t be too different. I have an overwhelming feeling of missing that I just can’t shake off. Missing out on things like Birthdays, Christmases, Weddings, Anniversaries, and just general outings to the local public house. Missing out on the English country side or the city life. Those moments when a spec of snow hits the ground and public transport completely shuts down. Or those moments when the temputure rises above 15 degrees and the shades and shorts suddenly appear as if they were just waiting in the hall way, hung up with the rest of the coats and umbrellas, ready to throw on at any given minute.
But most of all, everyday I feel the bewildering emotion of missing people. My family, my friends, the people that I see day in and day out. Its a feeling that I’ve never experienced before, and I almost feel as if I’m about to become a missing person that was once there so apparent, but now just a distant memory of somebody else's life.
This sounds extremely dramatic, but it’s okay because I am aware of this. I’m not sure if anyone can really understand this missing feeling unless they have been through it themselves. Moving to a different country, so far away from the life I lead (and the life I love to lead) is by far the scariest, saddest, but also most exhilarating thing I have ever done before, and I know that i’ll be a better person for it. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I didn’t realise how hard it would be to leave people, to leave familiar places that I have come so accustom to, and to leave, well just to leave, everything.
But I guess that’s what makes an adventure...an adventure! So let’s crack on, and as the popular shoe brand of Nike once said...